Slap happy

My son has taken to pummeling me lately. I’ll be carrying him down the street, maybe headed to the park or a local shop, remarking on the weather, pointing out semi-domesticated animal friends, when all of a sudden, he’ll rear back and crack me one across the cheek. Then he laughs. Loudly. The first time this happened, I was so shocked and taken aback that I started laughing too. Big mistake. Emboldened and encouraged by my laughter, eyes aglitter, he started whaling away with the rapidity of a lawn sprinkler. I had to put him down I was laughing so hard. 

He’s also into head-butting. This is a more serious matter, since his head is just tremendous, a real wrecking ball. He’ll lower his head into my jaw and erupt in peals of laughter. Before I can get the first “hey, stop that” out, he’s head-butted me again. And again. I try the advanced parenting stuff I think I know. “Kiddo, when you hit me with your head, that hurts me.” He responds with raucous laughter and another head-butt. My only option for preserving my jaw and his head is to carry him home under my arm, like the Sunday paper.